I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
