do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
