Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
