One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
