Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
