Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
