I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
