Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
