When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
