The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You brought string cheese to the strip club
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
