His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
