So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
