I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
