Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Randomize
