My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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