@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
