Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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