Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
