I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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