I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
our cab driver is having phone sex.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
