Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize