he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
