I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
