It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
