so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
