I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
