It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
