Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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