I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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