I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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