i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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