And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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