My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Let's get the cat blown out
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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