Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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