Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize