dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
MIDGETS
????
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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