ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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