I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize