And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
