Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
