How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
