U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
