PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
