I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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