Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
