The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
