Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
