fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
