i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
