it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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