Porn is love you can see.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
