Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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