We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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