I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
