is your mom at the bar?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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