goodnight i made you a song goodbye
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
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