hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
