I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
