Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Be still, my beating vagina.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
