If that was your dad, he is hot
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize