so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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