everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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