hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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