Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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