I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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