we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
