I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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