Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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