Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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