Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
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