I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize