I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I pour the whiskey from now on
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
