Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My vagina just clenched in fear
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
