She is in my trunk
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
