Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
we're so committed to being not committed
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
