You smell like a Billy Joel song
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
