You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
