Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
