i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
