needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
