We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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