OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
