And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
