You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
