How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
