Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
