Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize