i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
