All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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