someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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