now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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