My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
