So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize