Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
