just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
