We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
