So drunk its hurt
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
