He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
you had me at cake vodka
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
