When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
