I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
