The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
