You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
