Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
