I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
