No awkward lesbian experiences without me
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Never joke about your clitoris.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
