I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize